I never could tuck my shirt in.
And now that I am forty something the possibility of tucking a shirt in is long-since past. But since I could never do it anyway I don’t feel like I am missing out.
Thinking. Well, that’s a different story.
I’ve always been a thinker. As a female I am supposed to be a ‘feeler.’ I’m supposed to feeeel in relationships, and feeeeel my emotions, and feeeeel what happens in my life. Instead I think.
And over think.
I think about what happens in my relationships and I think instead of emote (although menoPAUSE is changing that) and I think about what happens in my life. Sometimes feelings pour through my veins, but more often than not my brain is more engaged than my tear ducts.
I miss thinking.
Somehow my brain can barely comprehend what day it is. Or what time it is. It gets worse when I get out of bed. I walk in a room and turn 180 degrees until I remember why I traversed the house in the first place; I walk back to where the trek began and try to recall. I return the Tylenol bottle back on its shelf since I’ve forgotten the last time I took two gel tabs.
Or was that three?
Feeling is highly overrated.
It’s so much easier to just cry, you know. Simply remember a sad movie, or a difficult situation; tears effortlessly obey command to respond. Try demanding a middle-aged brain retain information; not gonna happen.
Now where was I?….
The challenge right now is to believe, well, actually the challenge is ALWAYS to believe…the challenge is to believe that in the midst of losing my body and in the midst of losing my health and in the midst of losing my MIND; God is still THAT good. While it doesn’t appear He cares very much for my physical being His plan is still the same; still working together for MY good.
“He calls us to a life of constant work, constant growth and constant confession and repentance. Making us holy is God’s unwavering agenda until we are taken home to be with him. He will do whatever he needs to produce holiness in us. He wants us to be a community of joy, but he is willing to compromise our temporal happiness in order to increase our Christlikeness. Any time we find ourselves in difficulty or trial it is easy to think we have been forgotten or rejected by God. This is because we do not understand the present process. God is not working for our comfort and ease; he is working on our growth. At the moment we are tempted to question his faithfulness, he is fulfilling his redemptive promises to us.”
Tim Lane/Paul Tripp, How People Change