I am letting my hair turn gray.  Certainly you are intrigued with my reasons, so of course I will tell you.  First, with dark hair you have to make a decision; color it dark and risk looking pale or start going blonde.  Bluck.  Second, if you choose to keep it dark you will need to color it every 2-3 weeks. Expensive. Third, if I do START coloring and then change my mind and want to grow it out gray I will have to endure THE LINE. Ewweee.  Fourth, there comes a point when the wrinkles need to match the hair color or really, who are you trying to fool? And fifth….

I’M GONNA BE A GRANDMA!!!!!  Well, ok, I did decide to go gray before that announcement but it certainly adds to the persona )

Me-Maw

Grandmaw

Grandma Gee

G G

Nana

Grannie Annie

Grammy Annie

Yep yep yep, that’ll be me in June.

I have often said I didn’t think I was ready.  I think I was remembering morning sickness too clearly.  But amazingly a new life is growing in our family and I don’t have to be sick!!!  Sorry Chrissy…  I think also I was remembering the responsibilities too well.  And while I now have a new burden to pray more fervently for my daughter and son-in-love, for their precious child who will have to grow up in this fallen world, I don’t have to make 15,288 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and 7563 boxes of mac and cheese.  Although now, I’ll want too )

Friends my age ask where the time has gone; how did it get away from us.  I don’t ask that question; I have no trouble remembering every poignant moment.

I remember finding out I was expecting; and following that up with losing the contents of my stomach

I remember the smell of grilled cheese; I still hate to eat it (except, of course, at Fox and Obel—different kind of grilled cheese)

I remember laying on the couch for weeks on end

And throwing up in the bathroom at Lord and Taylor

I remember Christmas Eve in the hospital, the relief of being fed by an IV, the movie on TV the night my family celebrated Christ’s birth without me (The Night They Saved Christmas)

I remember crying through the aisles of the grocery store, trying desperately to figure out what I could buy to eat

Fretting over whether or not I should take communion (gestational diabetes)

And ordering a hot-fudge sundae after giving birth.  It didn’t taste so great.

I remember baptism day, Andrew running around the pulpit

I remember loosing my mind during endless days of sleep deprivation, throwing a book at the wall, putting a hole in the wall, and calling my dad to come fix it

I remember sweet, sweet baby smiles and identical faces screaming at me from the side of a playpen

I remember the night we sat down for dinner, put the twins in their walkers in the kitchen and moments later watched with utter amazement as the two of them synchronized opening the hot oven door and burned their baby fingers

I remember the feel of red fleece onsies, burnt orange chapped cheeks, and TYCO kitchens on Christmas morning

I remember EVERY Halloween costume I slaved over; and impatiently yelling at Chrissy when she didn’t wear it right (I have much to repent for as a mother)

I remember kindergarten; the first time the girls were split apart. First grade; they both cried half of the day…every day

I remember flu bugs when Bob and I had plane tickets for a few days away; hospital visits every time we went camping; stitches at the most inconvenient time of the day (typically dinner time)

I remember playmates, and playgrounds; fights with playmates and injuries on playgrounds

I remember selling candy and wrapping paper the night before the money was due; running to the store late in the evening when my energy point was 0% for components to finish homework

I remember homeschool; laying in bed and reading until 10am and going to Kohls for “math” class

I remember cross country and swimming and ohhhh, I remember band

I remember e mail; Cori writing me from high school on 9.11.01 and telling me to come get them if the terrorists attacked Lemont

I remember Homecoming and another mom telling me they stayed somewhere other than her house that night

And dating

I remember dating

I remember Chrissy crying when Erik wanted to ‘go out’

And the day she showed up at the my shop with a ‘promise ring’

I remember Erik sitting in the conservatory asking us if he could marry Chrissy

I remember Panama City

The dress

The weather

Seeing Erik cry at the alter

And Chrissy cry when she saw him

I remember that I cried uncontrollably the day after she left

And I remember, “mom, I’m pregnant” and so much more.  In fact… I have the gray hair that documents all of these memories and I wouldn’t trade them for Loreal if you paid me.

Glued to the couch again.  I guess since God couldn’t get me to sit still with a fever, sinus infection and stomachache He needed to pull my legs out from under me.  And literally, that is what this pinched nerve feels like!  Since many of my blogs of late seem to surround my health and my cat’s health (gosh I’m so interesting), let’s take a moment and recap the circumstances of this particular time.  There’s a message, I promise.  There’s always a message (hence the subtitle on the blog).

As is par for the course (the one I play on, anyway), fall began its full swing right at the same time as my first sinus infection.  That meant two classes; one with substantial homework. Two new ministry commitments; Christian Education and Women’s Ministry Leadership Team.  And three new community groups; one with a couple in pre-marital counseling, one with several fine, young, strong believers, and a women’s study equivalent to BSF.  This is in addition to the curriculum Bob and I are writing and keeping up with this blog.  Now you know what a stay-at-home-unemployed-decorator-wife does all day.

So I persevered through, not willing to let chills and a foggy brain stop me.  Heck, if I pulled up the blankie every time I didn’t feel good I would never get out of bed.  On a side note, one of the positives of never having felt quite right is that as I age new aches and pains are nothing new; and definitely nothing to slow me down.

With all of these fabulous opportunities in my path—which, by the way, I tried to avoid for the past several years—I have been praying for a ‘pure heart.’  You see, if you know me at all, or if you have been in a meeting with me, you know from experience that I am an opinionated and blunt loud-mouth (although I always start out quiet and demure).  I did not want to enter into these new situations showing my sins on my sleeve from the get-go.  ‘Give ‘um a few months to hate me,’ that’s what I say!  Still that verse from Psalm 51 has been ever present in my thinking.  As well, I have been working REALLY HARD to memorize James 1:1-4.  Memorization of scripture has not previously been one of my talents. Imagine my surprise when I found how these two passages connected.

Here is where I link a really painful pinched nerve on top of a reoccurring sinus infection to my sanctification.  Ready?

‘Count it all joy dear brothers, when you face trials of various kinds; for you know that this testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, so that you may be complete and perfect, lacking in nothing.’

After stepping out of my car last night and feeling a strange, tingly twinge this is what I began repeating.  At 10 pm.  And 12am. Then 1am.  And 2am.  Then again at 3am I felt it necessary to say it again.  Otherwise I would cry and my sinus-infected nose would stuff up and that would simply add to my misery.

Then at 4:30am (ok, that’s when I OD’d on Tylenol) after my last sporadic hour of sleep I woke thinking, ‘count it ALL joy…’

Later though, as I began my daily demotions, for some reason I was compelled to look further into Psalm 51 and looky what I found…

‘Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.’

There it is again; steadfast.  So if I am reading this correctly (and I AM taking a Systematic Theology class, so this is a test drive of my skills) trials produce steadfastness and my prayer for a pure heart includes a renewed steadfast spirit.

Could it be?  Would He do that?  Did God answer my prayer by providing me with a trial of pain?  Hmmmm.  Controversial.

Regardless of the reason for this current infirmity, I am rejoicing for family and friends who JUMPED at the opportunity to help me via prayer.  I thank God for that odd little feature at my chiropractor of just showing up.  And someday someone is going to have to explain them little acupuncture needles I am eternally grateful for; they work!  I have about 20% less pain tonight, I don’t have this immediate need to crawl out of my skin and my sinuses are better.  But even if these prayer partners and improvements did not come to pass, my Savior still hung on a cross because I cannot keep my big mouth shut in meetings.  Joy Joy Joy! (thank you Jesus)