Tag Archives: counseling

Sufficient

Even if you believe in the supreme authority of the scriptures you more than likely WILL get caught at one point or another on its ‘sufficiency.’  So let’s look at what I mean when I say that the word of God is sufficient.

When I state that the scriptures are sufficient for the counsel of man, most people think I am quoting 2 Timothy 3.16-17;

‘All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction,and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

or 2 Peter 1.3-4

‘His divine power has granted to us all things for life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.’

However, as applicable as those verses are, sufficiency is based on a conclusion regarding the whole of the scriptures.  It is based on the following absolute truth found throughout the entire book.

Scripture is inerrant, meaning it is infallible.  The psalmist in Ps 19.7-11 says that the law (or the words) of the Lord are perfect, sure, right, pure, clean, and true.  The word enlightens, revives souls, makes wise the simple, endures and is righteous all together.

Scripture tells us who is its author, In 2 Peter 1:21 the Lord says that His words were written by  “men [who] spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.”

Scripture tells us it is credible, “God is not man, that he should lie” (Numbers 23:19)

Scripture tells us who God is.  Unlike the heavens which declare his majesty, Christ, through Scripture and God’s testimony, through the Scripture is the only way we can know who God is as He reveals Himself to us. He is living and true, (1 Thess 1:9) immutable, “The Father of lights…with whom there is no variableness,” (James 1:17) the only wise God. (1 Timothy 1:17)

Scripture tells us who man is; that is, man in relation to God –Image Bearers, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Gen 1.27)  And man is imputed throughout his entire being with sin apart from the redemption and salvation provided for us in His Son. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Rom 3.23)

Scripture is how we know salvation, and that we are in need of it “Jesus answered him, truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3.3)

Scripture is how we know sanctification, our blueprint for growing in godliness. ‘I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.’ (Rom 6.19)

Scripture is how we know we need to LOVE God and our neighbor, “And he answered, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10.27) “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly.” (1 Peter 4.8)

Scripture is how we know our goal, to glorify God, “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Cor 6. 19, 20)

Scripture reveals man’s heart, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4.12)

And as stated in that Hebrews verse, the Scriptures are alive.

So the question we need to ask then is;

What other counsel do either we or our counselee’s need?


Where will we see God’s glory? We see it in the gospel, of course.

“If we want to see God’s glory, if we long for ourselves and others to be transformed into godliness, we must dwell on the gospel, where his glory is most clearly seen.  It is the gospel into which we are to look, and it is by the power of the gospel that we will be changed.

Paul informs us that by his grace God has shone the ‘light of the gospel of the glory of Christ’ (2 Cor 4.4) into our hearts.  It is in this light that we see everything else: who he is, what he has done, who we are and how we change.  It is this light that first enabled us to see our glorious Savior, and it is this light that continues to transform us.  Unlike unbelievers, who have blinded minds, we have received from God eyes to see ‘the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ’ (2 Cor 4.6)  The knowledge of God’s glory is revealed to us as we look upon the face of the Son.  And it is this knowledge that will transform us.”

Elyse Fitzpatrick

Counsel from the Cross


A Tale of Two Cities

The presents have all been bought, wrapped, toted, unwrapped and distributed to their new homes.

The cookies (the consensus was that they looked like Easter Eggs – not Christmas litebulbs) were mixed, cut, baked, frosted, eaten, eaten and eaten.  Ugh.

The kids, the family, the parents and the cat have all been hugged, snuggled, and kissed goodbye.

Tears have been shed.

And now it is time to go back to my other life.

Every time I travel ‘home’ to Chicago I feel a bit schizophrenic.  I am torn between loving the readily-available family full of love and hugs; yet hating the weather, the pace of days, and the anxious urban lifestyle. While in Charlotte, however, I struggle with a similar tension; loving my quiet, southern life but hating the empty void apart from those who know me better than anyone ever can or ever will.  The conflict runs deep, and in the moments between cherished visits a tug-of-war occurs within my being.

In Chicago (in addition to the constant identity I have of ‘wife’) I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a sis-in-law, a mom-in-law, a soon-to-be me maw, a cousin, a niece.

In Charlotte I am a neighbor, a member of a covenant family, a teacher, a student, a leader, a responsible citizen who votes.

In Chicago I have history; I grew up there, I can find my way around even in my sleep, and every corner reminds me of a moment in my past.

In Charlotte I see the future. I’ve matured here. I can’t find my way beyond the four recognizable corners I’ve discovered, but it is where I expanded my horizons, moved away from all that was familiar and comfortable and I grew up.

In Chicago I say I’m from Charlotte.

In Charlotte I say I’m from Chicago.  Weird.

In Chicago I see those I love, I remember how I’ve loved them through the years, the hopes I’ve had for them, and I delight in who, through God’s providential will, they have become.

In Charlotte I pray for those I love, and trust that in God’s providential will they will one day belong-to and glorify Him.

In Chicago I remember incredible joys, and devastating heartaches.  I think of my youth and my dreams and the hopes that I had in times past that, sadly, never came to be.

In Charlotte I hope. I have nothing to remind me of the things I once had or once wanted and now, interestingly, no longer care very much about.  I am left to depend simply on the hope I have for an eternity with Him.

In Chicago I’m the baby, the little sister, the mom who looks at stuff strangely.

In Charlotte I’m older and wiser, a Titus 2 woman with an opinion, an idea, thoughts that are valuable.

In Chicago I am cold! And it’s messy and slushy and people are cold and rude and miserable (can’t say as though I blame them!)  My sanctification is in real time, real experiences.

In Charlotte I’m still cold…just not frigid…and I sit in a warm home, in my comfy chair, and I look outside at ever-green trees and ever present flowers while studying and learning and knowing Him as He reveals Himself on the pages of the book He wrote.  My sanctification is knowledge.

In Chicago I can’t wait to go home.

In Charlotte I can’t wait to go home.

So often our friends and family ask if we think we will move back ‘home.’  With a grandbaby on the way I’m sure it looks like our little adventure ought to be drawing to a close and we need to go back to where ‘we belong.’

But I no longer know where I belong.  So I live torn between two cities, two unique ‘selves,’ a home and a home.

I told you I need counseling.

Happy New Year friends and family, both old and new….


The Twelve Questions Left

this is exciting!  well, ok, probably just for me…but in honor of the season I am going to institute a, ‘twelve questions left’ (ala ‘twelve days of Christmas’) blog post for my theology exam; I’m ALMOST DONE!!!  So here we go…

on the first day of my last twelve questions my computer coughed up for me….

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the second day of my last twelve questions my computer coughed up for me….

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B I B L I  C A L L Y

on the third day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the fourth day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the fifth day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

TOTAL      COUNSELING      PROGRAM

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the sixth day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

Position on physicians (no funny stuff)

TOTAL      COUNSELING      PROGRAM

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the seventh day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

Dehabituation

Position on physicians (no funny stuff)

TOTAL      COUNSELING      PROGRAM

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the eighth day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

Client termination

Dehabituation

Position on physicians (no funny stuff)

TOTAL      COUNSELING      PROGRAM

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the ninth day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

Demonic possession

Client termination

Dehabituation

Position on physicians (no funny stuff)

TOTAL      COUNSELING      PROGRAM

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the tenth day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

Word? or drug dispensing

Demonic possession

Client termination

Dehabituation

Position on physicians (no funny stuff)

TOTAL      COUNSELING      PROGRAM

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the eleventh day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

12-step organizations

Word? or drug dispensing

Demonic possession

Client termination

Dehabituation

Position on physicians (no funny stuff)

TOTAL      COUNSELING      PROGRAM

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

on the twelfth day of my-last-twelve-questions my computer coughed up for me….

ALL    THE    CONCEPTS   I   AGREE   WITH…

12-step organizations

Word? or drug dispensing

Demonic possession

Client termination

Dehabituation

Position on physicians (no funny stuff)

TOTAL      COUNSELING      PROGRAM

Seriousness of sin

Emotion definition (bowels?!)

Homework for fear and worry

and

The way to counsel anger B-I-B-L-I    C-A-L-L-Y….

I’M DONE!!!!


So You Think You Can Counsel

Untitled5


Counseling the Incompetent Counselor – Day 10

I saw a bumper sticker a couple days ago and it reminded me that not all change is good.

I’ll keep capitalism, freedom, and my gun

you keep the change.

Facebook recently released a new site layout;  94% of its users said “not good.”  Bank of America stock floated around $55 in January of 2007; today it closed at 17.92 not good.  Once, when I had a bunch of time on my hands, I used a jigsaw and carved off the counter peninsula in our kitchen; when Bob came home not good.  Change can even be bad for your health; studies have shown that significant change in a person’s life is associated with physical illness.  I suppose I should stop saying, “change is good.”

Not surprisingly, the Bible has something to say about change that is not good.  2 Timothy 3:1-10 describes numerous changes in the life of men and women, those that turn them away from God;  these changes are definitely deemed not good.  Probably the most definitive passages illustrating change that is not good though, are those in which Jesus addresses the hypocrites (the Pharisees).  Their righteousness, pursued via external actions rather than heart change, literally damned them to Hell. (Matt 23:27-33)

Like I said yesterday, I want to make sure to get this right!

So how does change, real God honoring heart change, happen?  I know, I have been asking that for days.  Well, here it is…

Scripture.

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Again, not surprisingly, these passages also describe the Biblical process for heart change;  “the only one that scripture sets forth.” (Adams)

Teach

Reprove (convict)

Correct

Train in righteousness

Ahhhh….change I can believe in….


Counseling the Incompetent Counselor – Day 9

Yesterday I got a lesson in what is truly important.

I was at the grocery store (of all places), Harris-Teeter (not AT ALL sure how they came up with the name…Harris family-ya, owns the town…but Teeter?  All I know is that the name became less weird with the knowledge that Carrie Underwood shops at a Harris-Teeter…I digress…) checking out my purchases at the counter when I noticed her.  She was the tiniest lady I had ever seen and, if not for her pleasant demeanor, I may never have noticed her at all.  She was smiling.  Just sitting on a bench by customer service with a grin as big as Switzerland plastered on her face.

It was apparent that many significant events happened within her lifetime.  Her snow-white hair and worn, leathery complexion chronicled war (at least four), most likely the depression (not this one!), perhaps even familiarity of the last banking crisis (the one where once-rich/now-poor people jumped out of buildings).

But she was smiling.

A basically empty shopping cart sat in front of her not quite four-foot frame, a scene not unusual when I notice elderly shoppers; particularly for someone of such stature.  My own groceries began to pile up at the end of the conveyor belt though, and for a moment my attention refocused to my own staples and “needs.” I lost sight of the lil lady.

As I packed up the last of my things, another tiny gray-haired lady appeared.  “They MUST be sisters,” I surmised.  She too had a broad grin on her face and, with little fanfare, she approached the bench and gathered her companion.  I waited patiently as they steadied themselves on the cart and then watched as these two beautiful, petite, contented ladies gracefully headed toward the exit.

It was then I noticed what was in the cart.

1 six-pack of Ensure and 2 four-packs of BareFoot wine.

If and when I get to those advanced years you can bet those will be my priorities!  Food, the type that takes no preparation, and wine.  It is my opinion (remember I used to have one) that these ladies, well advanced in years and wisdom, knew what was truly most important.

JK

However, moving right along on my counseling journey, I want to give more ink to what is truly most important in this soul-seeking adventure; my goal.  What AM I really trying to change… my behavior?  Do I simply want to be a better person, to follow through on commitments I have made in a timely manner and therefore not disappoint others?  Or better yet, I know that sloth is sinful, should holy living my goal? No, says author, biblical counselor and pastor Jay Adams, “Human relationships are a three-way, not a two-way affair.  That means that biblically acceptable change takes into consideration one’s relationships to both God and man….Sanctification, change toward God, is the goal of all Christian counseling.”

If devoid of heart transformation, outward behavior change as well as external physical change that conforms to Gods law might be pleasant for myself and those I interact with but it does not please God.

Sort of important to get this right.

Keep waitin for it…


Counseling the Incompetent Counselor Day 8

Bob’s home.

What that means is I won’t be “talking” to myself on my blog this week.  When Bob is out of town, really wacky things tend to happen.  In addition to revealing my sin on line via a make-believe counselor and fictitious support group, I registered for a class at Reformed Theological Seminary and signed up for a group that will assist me as I continue the process of certification as a Biblical Counselor.

Bob really needs to stay home.

How, you might ask, does a Hair Dresser, mom, wife, homeschooler, shopkeeper, Interior Decorator get to the point of taking theology classes?

It’s my retirement gig.

Actually, it’s been evolving, but certainly intensified with that lil experiment I call, Counseling the Incompetent Counselor.

Which reminds me….

I finished reading Counseling this morning.  The entire book is a sea of yellow highlighter pen.  Before I move forward to my next book, however, (to be announced – wait breathlessly) I really want to gain a strong grasp on this biblical approach to change.  I’ve recognized a behavior problem (sloth), collected data, interpreted the data (just in case you need me to keep repeating it I am a glory grabber), but what now?  Well, it is important to remember that my behavior problem is merely a symptom.  “The primary problem is not our behavior; our hearts have turned from worshiping, serving, fearing, and depending on the one true God.” Mack    For biblical change to happen my heart needs to turn back.  “Godly, biblical change in behavior must always begin with a change in the heart.”

So how does THAT happen?

wait for it….


Logging Efforts

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matt. 7:3-5

“Gaining perspective has a purpose; ministry to others….My own logging efforts position me for speck-removal.” Dave Harvey


Counseling the Incompetent Counselor – Day 7

Grabber Guide:  “Hayeee Ann Mareeeaa!  How ARE yew?!  I am so glad you could take some time to meet with me today!  I’d love to help you dig deep into the vast expanse of sin that has been permeating your life!  Have a seat!”

(Great.  Now I’m interviewing myself …someone call a doctor)

Glory Grabber (that would be me):  “Thanks…….ewwwww! nice chairs!”

Grabber Guide:  “So why don’t you start by telling me a little bit about what brought you here today…”

Glory Grabber:  “Well, it actually began when I was about 7.  I can distinctly remember looking in the bathroom mirror and realizing that I DID NOT look at all like a Barbie doll.  My hair was dark and short, my height was quite a bit taller, and those curves she had were nowhere to be found on my body! (still aren’t)”

Grabber Guide:  “Really?  Hmmmm.”

Glory Grabber:  “Ya, I know, weird.  So then I started noticing that some of my classmates and friends looked similar to me, but some actually looked more like Barbie; especially at my High School.  THEN I began to notice that the ones who looked more like Barbie got more attention, everyone wanted to be their friend.  I decided then and there that I wanted what they had, I wanted everyone to like me/be my friend too.  I just knew that would be where I would find happiness.”

Grabber Guide:  “Well you’re definitely not 7 anymore,” snicker-guffaw, “what does that childhood pursuit look like in your adult life?”

Glory Grabber:  “Funny.  But since you ask, I recently Tweeted that I was ‘waiting to be discovered.’  I even started a FaceBook page on the path to ‘get my face on a book.’  I think in my overly warped mind I thought that THOSE achievements were the secrets to my happiness, much like my 7 year-old brain thought being blonde was the key. As I read the book Counseling, however, I discovered that those things are in fact false hopes.  Wayne Mack says, “False hope is based on human ideas of what is pleasurable and desirable.  Many people think that their problems will disappear if they can just get what they want.”  By hoping for acclaim, adoration, and the love of the masses for the things that I do, I have been stymied!  If I don’t gain fame, I determine that the work I have done was ineffective.  If I DO get praise, it is never enough.  Which led to my lack of motivation to do anything.  Why bother?  Although I would say that the things I did were for God, that he would be glorified by the successful use of the gifts he gave me.  Deep down, as I now realize, I was hoping for a little bit of team glory.  Me-God….God-me…”

Grabber Guide:  “Team Glory, that’s funny.  But what specifically helped you discover this monster of a sin?”

Glory Grabber:  “The renewal of my mind.  ‘For this reason I endure everything for the sake of those who are chosen, that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus and with it eternal glory.’ 2 Timothy 2:10 ‘True hope does not merely focus on the part (an individual life) but also the whole (God’s plan for the universe).  It finds encouragement in the eternal as well as the temporal and in the intangible as well as the tangible.  Instead of being concerned only with what happens in one’s life, true hope is concerned with what happens in the lives of others and whether God receives glory in the events that transpire.’ (Mack)

God revealed yet another part of my life in which it’s not about me.”


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