Well, I’m pretty sure I have established what to write for my mom’s memoirs.  Now the fun begins. 

Memory is a fickle resource, and painful memory even more so.  Some things won’t ever be forgotten, but would what my mom remembers give me enough detail to fill a whole book?  Probably not.  So my first task requires that I somehow get details. 

The most significant event within my Mom’s story happened in the fall of 1946.  Now, I have always loved everything about the ‘40’s, I’m sitting here listening to “Singers and Swing” this very moment!  When we lived in the Chicago area, my husband and I took Swing-dancing lessons at the venerable Willowbrook Ballroom.  All one need do is step on the dance floor and instantly they would be transported back in time. As Glenn Miller and his orchestra spilled through the sound system you could almost see khaki uniformed soldiers twirling a “gal,” her dress billowing through the air. 

In my mind the 40’s were idyllic.  The war was over; the country had breathed a sigh of relief.  Renewal was in the air and immense possibility flowed for young people who previously lived in a holding pattern.  Soldiers who sat in trenches and thought of nothing but “when the war is over,” now faced opportunity.  The GI Bill encouraged thousands of would-be laborers to pursue skills their parents had only dreamed of.  Women finally realized the fantasy of settling down and raising a family.  America had survived and everyone, it seemed, was excited to move forward.

Reality, however, was a little different. 

In order to find a cultural backdrop for mom’s story, I enlisted the services of the Harold Washington Library.  Having lived away from Chicago two years now I have finally discovered something to miss about it; I LOVE the Chicago Public Library! After a brisk spring walk down State Street I entered a massive and quiet frankly, intimidating building. Right there at the front desk, however, I discovered everything I needed to know in order to start my search.  These guys love their jobs and it shows.  Both attendants pulled up a chair and typed in the simple information I had gathered.  In ten minutes I was walking briskly back down State Street (I mean, it is after all still Chicago in the “Spring”) armed with several rabbit trails to follow.

For your listening pleasure…

Whenever I fly I pick up a Readers Digest.  I can’t read a novel; it requires too much concentration.  I used to read People, but now I don’t really care much for the people People covers.  Quite honestly, I don’t even recognize half the names.  Readers Digest, on the other hand, has everyday heroes, stories that make me laugh and lately, tons of helpful information.    In January, I needed help slimming down our budget.  RD did a piece on clipping coupons and the best Internet sites for discounts.  In February I wanted to find a job for extra cash that did not require leaving the house.  Again, RD was right on it.  And last December, my favorite resource providentially did a story about writing memoirs.  I say providentially because at the time I had no idea I would need such a resource!  For some reason though I clipped the story and tucked it in my “file it” file.

As I packed all my earthly belongings to head west I stumbled upon the RD issue.  Someday I am going to do a blog on the vacation-packing process, but I digress.  Anywho, as I reread the piece on memoirs, I was INSPIRED!  The author actually broke down the writing procedure into an easy-to-follow process.  That’s not to say that actually writing your memoirs is EASY, rather that the process is easy to follow.  What I learned in the article, combined with what I learned while I worked with my mom has now developed into a workshop which I have entitled,

A Storied Life

 How to Write Your Memoirs.

What Memoir is

It’s a story and everyone has one.  Our stories are the things that happen to us on a daily basis, the tool we use to remember, the method in which we communicate, and the instrument we utilize to assess our lives.

What are some of the benefits of writing your memoir?

~ Memoir helps us make sense of our lives. “Every single one of us is trying to make some sense of his or her existence.  Therein lies the value of memoir.” 

~ Memoir helps our descendants understand who we are how we got there. “Memoir is like handing over your life to someone and saying, ‘this is what I went through, this is who I am and maybe you can learn something from it.” 

~ Writing our memoirs, telling our stories gives us the awesome opportunity to proclaim God’s faithfulness in our lives.

“You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! 
I will proclaim and tell of them…I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation.” Psalm 40:5 & 10

What is memoir NOT?

Memoir is not an autobiography.  Autobiography is your whole life, whereas memoir can be a small as one hour in your day.  For example…

http://myopinionandidohaveone.com/2008/05/18/the-day-the-cat-died/

Entire movies have been made from stories such as these.  Think Groundhog Day, or Farris Buellers Day Off.  Even the 2008 Academy Award winning Slum Dog Millionaire was essentially a story surrounding 24 hours of one man’s life.  The story incorporated other events and, as seen in The Day the Cat Died, a seemingly insignificant happenstance was combined with a memorable occasion. 

So what’s your story?  How do we get there?  The bulk of writing a memoir will actually be spent in researching; you will be embarking on a treasure hunt.

Story Boarding

The following are some ideas that will rev up your creative juices and help you figure out the story you need to tell

1.  Diagram your life

•  (6) most significant moments

school-age, childhood, marriage, having children, raising teenagers, grandkids, before or after an illness

• the one or two experiences that fashioned you

 a death, a divorce (parents/your own)

• the story that needs to be told
• critical choices

to work, to adopt, to marry, go to school, not go to…

2.  Who are the most influential people in your life and why?

who do you admire or who are you jealous of

3.  list some memorable achievements

awards or medals, are you a survivor, did you survive teenagers

4.  list memorable conflicts

to move or not, to start a business, to leave job and go into ministry, start a business

5.  what do you believe?
6.  What are some of the key lessons you have learned?
7.  What are some mistakes you have made?
8.  What do you fear?
9.  What do you regret?
10. What gives you joy?

11.  On a computer or in a notebook, write out “100 things about ME” (see my list in this article)

http://myopinionandidohaveone.com/2008/11/14/im-still-here/

12.  Make a family tree

13.  Read, read read!

14.  Exercise your writing muscle.  Write in a journal, storyboard when you think of something, carry a notebook with you at all times

15.  Blog

 

Treasure hunt

You’re almost ready to write!

1.  Choose a story to write

• look for common denominators in your storyboarding
• combine circumstances with lessons learned, or conflicts, or experiences that fashioned you etc.

 2.   Set aside a regular time to write – put it on your schedule!-  and set a goal to complete during that time.

 3.  Draw an outline

• don’t start at the beginning, use a “tease”

4.  Think of the story you are going to tell and record the senses (sight, sound, smell, textures) you recall.  These will be a huge part of your details.

5.  Research the culture surrounding your stories’ time frame

6.  Buy a tape recorder and tell yourself your story (If you can speak you can write)

7.  Don’t fret over accuracy; memory is an inaccurate gauge. 

8.  Seek out editors that will be honest with you regarding your writing style and grammar. 

9.  Write

 

Internet Resources for Writing Your Memoirs

 

http://www.fortychapters.com/

“FortyChapters is a service that helps would-be authors make the first steps towards writing a novel. The step by step approach helps you build up your story in a structured and logical way.”

http://www.heritagemakers.com/

Personal publishing consultants.  Similar in concept to Creative Memories, great beginners tool, good for writing your memoirs in cookbook format!

http://www.ancestry.com/

Just as Christ is the only way to enter into eternity, ancestry.com is the only way to enter the past.  This site holds the keys to your family history; documentation including marriage and death certificates, immigration information, the list is exhaustive.  Worth the amazing fee if you can spend some quality time focusing on research.

http://www.blurb.com/

Publish your own book, pay for only the books you want.  This is also a great beginners tool as you can fill most of

the pages with pictures, then simply add text.

http://www.storycorps.org/record-your-story/question-generator/list

Storycorp – the conversation of a lifetime

https://www.blogger.com/start

http://wordpress.com/

 

Other Resources for Writing Your Memoir

Local Library

        Look for

• Encyclopedias from the era of your story (also available in State or University Libraries)
• Newspaper archives
• Police records
• Other Memoirs written during the era of your story
• Historical fiction based in era of your story

Local Historical Society

        Look for

• Maps of the area
• Local folklore
• Residents you can interview

YOUR Family and Friends

 

*The concepts developed for this workshop together with the quotes

are based on material published in Readers Digest.

1. Kita, Joe. “How to Write Your Memoir” Readers Digest. January 2009. 30 December 2008 http://www.rd.com/your-america-inspiring-people-and-stories/great-tips-on-how-to-write-your-memoir/article112510.html

 

 

 

 

Mom has been telling me stories since I was a little girl.  Actually, my mom doesn’t say anything without it being a story.  No comparisons to me here, ok?  Anyway, everything (AND I MEAN EVERYTHING) she did in a day’s time was worthy of a narrative; imagine how that excited me during my teenage years. 

More often than not though she spoke lovingly of the grandmother (Amelia, her namesake) that raised her while her mom worked days at Marshall Fields (NOW we know why I loved that place, it’s in my jeans!)  She often shook her head remembering in disbelief that her father made her come home early the night of homecoming.  She recalled pleasant memories of family gatherings in the old neighborhood, homemade tortellini from her godmother’s kitchen, and a wealthy neighbor who shared hand-me-downs.  Painful reminiscences told of the days her mother and grandmother were excluded from family events, the Depression during which her father could not find work, and of the time Amelia’s second husband was killed in an alleyway by Al Capone’s henchman.  

Over the years, as I matured and supposedly could handle more, deeper family secrets were shared; uncle Charley married his cousin Anita and “Auntie” isn’t really mom’s sister she’s her Aunt.

Interesting as those stories are, however, I couldn’t pull more information from mom than what I just wrote.  When I sat her down and asked her to tell me about Amelia, she simply restated the same details (that is, after the perfunctory, “hmmmmmm”)

There is one other story though, the story that begs to be told.   One Easter, when I was a teenager, my uncle blurted it out to me; mom had never said a word.  And while this story includes all the entertaining details of her life growing up in Chicago Lawn, it goes much further and communicates volumes of God’s faithfulness; to her as well as to all who follow.

This winter I finally succumbed to my mom’s constant nagging (JK!) to write her memoirs.  For years I had successfully resisted this assignment since I have NO idea how to write someone else’s memoirs.  I am not quite sure I would know how to write my own let alone someone else’s!  But I guess it was her near-death experience a year ago that finally pushed me over the edge.  That, and each time mom would tell a story from her childhood and I would nudge her saying, “WRITE it down!” she would look up at me (she’s really short) and singsong, “you write so well, why don’t YOU do it for me?”

If someone didn’t write the stories of her life, not to be morbid, but they would die with her.  And to simply depend on my middle-aged brain to hold the record of her history would NOT be a good idea. So I used Bob’s bonus points from work (all that volunteering at Habitat paid off) and ordered a digital recorder.  It’s really cute and who wouldn’t want to play Lois Lane? (for you Gen X and Y people that’s Teri Hatcher aka Susan Mayer)…   I packed my suitcase, traveled cross-country to the very desert that caused her afore mentioned illness, sat her down in the sun and MADE her talk.  Now if you know my mom you have dropped to the floor and are rolling hysterically because you know

M o m   k n o w s   h o w   t o   t a l k! 

But ask her some pointed questions looking for specific answers and this is her favorite new comment, “Hmmmmm.  Hmmmm. Hmmmm.” That replaced “s p e c i a l,” for which I now praise the Heavenly Father, but it also got me nowhere toward writing her story.

Which brings me here….my blog.  WRITING her memoirs is going to be a story in itself and if I don’t start journaling the journey I may duct tape myself to the couch and watch Desperate Housewives until my head explodes.  I mean, really, why should I go through this alone?

Everyone loved my mom.  When I was a teenager that drove me crazy!  My friends would melt at her sweet talk and broad smile and spend more time talking in the kitchen with her than in my room listening to music or gossiping about boys.  Why didn’t anyone else see how much she nagged my brother and I?  Sure, she was sweet, but at home we affectionately referred to her as the “little general.”  The year between my engagement and wedding I literally counted the days until I would no longer be required to attend the drill where she downloaded the events of her day—complete with potty stops—or be the recipient of her meticulous directives.

Then the strangest thing happened.  As I grew in maturity, my mom became my best friend.  While I was having babies, she was my guidebook.  When my husband Bob and I would argue she would listen quietly and offer little advice.  If I was sick, she took over my household.  She encouraged Bob and I to spend our anniversaries alone, together, somewhere other than home and she was the one who dragged my dad to the house to care for our kids when we left.

Through the subsequent years she acted as my confidant while I struggled through relationships, my mentor when I opened a small business, and even the general contractor on the first house Bob and I built.  We enjoyed being able to place a yellow hard hat in the back window of her Cadillac and finally admit to her secret nickname.

Still, after her first major illness, I am ashamed to admit I resorted back toward my youthful attitude.  Everything she said seemed to grate on my nerves.  I couldn’t understand why she thought the way she did or spoke about trivial matters.  I rationalized that my new, over-40 maturity must have surpassed her 70 years of wisdom and I would simply have to take on the role of mother in our relationship.  I corrected her thinking, questioned her motives, and scolded her life choices, which resulted in several miserable encounters.  I suppose the act of nursing her while she struggled to recover from pneumonia elevated my position—at least in my brain—and I accepted my self-appointed position with fervor.

It was while I was engrossed in that mindset that I learned of her possible lung cancer.  She had been recovering from a bout with the flu…