blue

i knew when i posted my grits announcement i would generate concern. not to worry, mon ami….

The Pursuit of M&M Candy Satisfaction

To the casual onlooker, a person in pursuit of satisfaction and enjoyment in M&M’s has sufficient options; pop candies in your mouth, chew, and swallow. On the contrary, for an M&M connoisseur, no delightfully chocolate, candy-covered moment is circumnavigated. Bag-size selection itself is a vital part of the process. Though even among connoisseurs, a disparity in the pleasure approach exists. After numerous years of study, I have to speculate that there are three basic types of M&M connoisseurs: “Red,” eager and impatient, “Green” a social butterfly and “Blue,” easygoing and serene.

“Red,” the first in the study of connoisseurs, is as passionate and vibrant as the color indicates. They have been known to not even wait until they have arrived home to enjoy the experience. I have witnessed the sanctimonious ripping of the brown, wax-coated paper bag with teeth clenched and drool dribble. Nay, I have even succumbed to this ritual. The fierceness of the moment continues as the connoisseur then pours the bag directly into their mouth. Not even taking this moment to look away from what they are doing, the Red personality indulgences in eating the tiny morsels. One, two, three pours and the experience is over. Each chocolate plunge provided a rush of crunch, a hint of creaminess, and a desire for something more. Within seconds though, it is over. The only thing that remains in the pursuit of pleasure is a bittersweet aftertaste and telltale primary colored stains at the corners of the mouth.

In moments of haste and impatience, I have appreciated the art of the Red method of M&M enjoyment. Still, it typically led to emptiness and I found myself seeking more. To know the candy in the truest sense of its capacity leads one to believe there must be something other then this momentary passionate endeavor.

The next type is “Green.” Neutral, earthy with a hint of fun, Green is the party connoisseur. As a rule, Green enjoys their mission in group settings. Ample selections of colorful bowls that dot a party atmosphere call their name. Everyone is invited to share in the indulgence and largely all do. The Green connoisseur, clearly identified in the crowd, is the one observed at any given moment hovering close to a bowl. They grasp small handfuls of M&M’s, but not too much so as to melt in the hand. The specific amount of candy in their mouth is not as important as the availability of the next experience. They then munch casually, pretending to be oblivious to what they are partaking. Inside, however, they are savoring every precious crispy, velvety moment. While they appear to be interested in the conversation and interaction around them, all they are truly thinking of is their next mouthful. As a bowl empties, they are observed grazing to another conversation, another M&M source. The party is over when the supply has at last diminished. Green is typically known as the life of the party (imagine the sugar high), but behind closed doors, one might imagine them wearing an “I’m only here for the M&M’s” t-shirt.

The quiet and seemingly sophisticated (especially compared to Red) type of connoisseur that Green presents may seem a desirable option. Moreover, what M&M connoisseur has ever declined free flowing bowls of chocolaty goodness? Nonetheless, the communal sharing of something so personal diminishes the occasion.

The third type, “Blue,” is often considered the most well rounded connoisseur. The peacefulness and tranquility heard in the name, a consistent flow like a wave on the ocean; these are the traits identifiable with Blue in the following approach to M&M satisfaction.

The selection of “Fun Size” or possibly “Snack Size” is often the portion of choice. A quiet veranda or perhaps a cozy nook near a fireplace may be the setting. To begin with, a small tear is made in the smooth wrapper, preferably at the top corner. The aim of this technique allows for only one M&M at a time to emerge; first into the hand, then the mouth. As the candy enters Blue’s mouth, the slow melodic process of fulfillment begins. One of two options is now available; either used interchangeably. The first option is to stand the M&M sideways between the back molars and bite the candy covered coating off the chocolate. In this scenario, the chewing of the candy takes place first while the chocolate melts on the tongue. The other option is to simply place the M&M on the tongue and let it melt there on its own. Either way produces the same effect, a slow and tasteful enjoyment. A Blue connoisseur understands the value of time and recognizes any amount of M&M’s over twenty at each session is superfluous. Blue denotes contentment.

Additional inconsequential variations may occur with each type of connoisseur; there are those that actually like peanut M&M’s. As well, purists claim the colors distributed at the Holidays taste different from the traditional colors. Not included in this observation are superficial would-be connoisseurs who, upon further probing, admit a Hershey Kiss would also fulfill them. Regardless, the approach to consumption and fulfillment in each method reveals a small part of the personality of the individual. By researching these three styles, I have discovered that, at different times of my life, for a variety or reasons, there is value in each one.

Bet you won’t eat an M&M the same way again. ann maree